Movies

“Crabs!” (Crabs!) (2021): stalhammar – LiveJournal

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“Crabs!” (Crabs!) (2021). Somewhere in the United States, a cartoon nuclear power plant explodes, and a young little crab stares at this bleak picture. We teleport to a deserted beach, where a guy named Sequoia has sex with his girlfriend (nude detected) – the idyll is broken by another crab, only this time huge and bloodthirsty. He clings to Sequoia’s head, sucking out the brains (or what was there instead), the girl tries to help her lover, but – the miracle of the seas jumps off the victim in time, and the beauty drops a huge stone directly on the guy’s skull. “Honey, are you okay?” And here you understand perfectly what kind of film you will dedicate the next 80 minutes of your life.
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Meet a young genius named Philip McCallister, a teenager confined to a wheelchair, and his clever girlfriend named Maddie Manrett. The battle with the mutants, of course, will be led by them, and their closest allies will be the sheriff’s assistant – Philip’s older brother, and the teacher of wet dreams of schoolchildren around the world – Maddie’s mother. And crabs, by the way, are not only a kind of delicacy and table decoration, but also not very pleasant-looking animals. Now imagine that a small coastal town is attacked not only by these boxes with claws, but they are – but of different sizes, up to those the size of a good country house. That massacre is yet to come! Hope only for the strange scientific device that the protagonist has just ordered and received in the mail…
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Naturally, the actresses playing Menret Jr. and senior are almost the same age. Naturally, crabs are not CGI at all. All according to the canons of “bad good cinema”, which this film is. A kind of love message to the early horrors of Roger Corman and at the same time – the tapes of the 50’s about the nuclear threat and the proliferation of evil spirits of all animal species (remember: “They!”, “Tarantula”, “It came from the sea”?) . Only not even with a touch of comedy, this is comedy. Like her many contemporaries, it is now fashionable to “re-shoot” not only the eighties, but also the fifties (“Lost Skeleton of the Cadaver”, “Cyst”, “Inhuman Ship”, and so on). The murders are bloody, you don’t have to wait long for the first one. It’s all about practical effects, and the film as a whole can not be called an amateur creation.
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Filmed, played well; just the creators (and after all, all of them are one hundred percent newcomers!) From the very beginning, they understood perfectly well that they would release frankly comic trash in this cruel world. There is literally everything to please fans of such movies: nudity, a whole scattering of brutal deaths, cute heroes and heroines, quality monsters, banter over everything and everything (warm greetings to Romanian immigrant Radu, “Poseidon’s worst mistake” and “US imperial military forces”) »), And most importantly – the film looks easy, ending faster than you have time to get bored. For some reason they remember with a kind word that “Toothpicks”, that “Gremlins”: monsters in “Crabs!” similarly cute and dangerous, moreover, they also talk, making funny sounds. And the fierce massacre at the school ball – not to mention “Carrie”… Charm.
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9/10

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